Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
