I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
