my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize