it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
