I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
