I just made out with a guy for $7.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
