dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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