I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
