sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
