you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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