Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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