dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
