I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
