he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
