C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
