I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
