I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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