my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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