put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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