and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
