im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
