is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
