She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
