im having a threesome with these popsicles
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
