I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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