Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
