im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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