we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
