how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
