you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
