Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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