apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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