Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a hot homeless man
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
