My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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