pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
