Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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