You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
