Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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