Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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