as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
