ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
