I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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