This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
