so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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