this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm passing your future prison.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
