So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize