my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
