the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
