i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
