I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
