I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
kristin has been a bad kristin
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
