and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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