things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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