i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
