He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
