The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
