I wish i was in the wii world.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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