thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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