THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
