I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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