once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
