Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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