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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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