halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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