I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
