So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
