Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
