Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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