I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize