Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
