And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
