update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
